How can I leave you when you look so beautiful? You slept defiantly; twitching your nose at the dawn that broke harshly over the black skeleton trees like a fumbled wine glass, spilling a pink champagne sky over limbs left bare by winter’s approaching chill. Today though, winter’s chill stands no chance against the chill in my heart. I have to leave you today and I don’t want to. It’s hard to leave your warmth for uncertainty; hard to leave your understanding for culture-shock; hard to leave familiarity for uncertainty.
How could this be? I’m Kyle Latrell Scott: The one who dreamt longingly to disappear to the Pacific Northwest, nothing but street-smarts and a trifle more than pocket change to make it through. Was I lying? Was I worried? Not even… I didn’t have anything to miss. Only some family, unyielding in their own ways, unwavering in personal ideals. Family rooted as deeply into this Ozark soil like an old oak. I had nothing to grow with; nothing to learn from or profess to.
Now I have it all—a connection—an anchor. Not one that holds me down, but one that keeps me close because that’s the job of an anchor. Safety. Security. Reference.
Not a moment will pass that I don’t think about you. If this trip wasn’t so uncertain in the first place, you would be right there next to me. If there is a next time, you WILL be right there next to me. Little do you know, you will be there with me. I carry you everywhere I go, because your sunshine drove away the little rain cloud that hung over my head for so long, and that is something that I could never go back to. Miss me, baby. I’ll miss you.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
What you've taken from me
Life is all a matter of perspective.
I used to have so much, how did you manage to take it all away from me?
The days and nights used to pass without measure. Worry fed my tired soul and deception kept me attentive when sleep was a long lost memory. The difference between reality and daydream blurred to the extent that I only felt alive for brief fleeting moments that came in violent shocks to my nervous system like the last kicks and gasps of a drowning man. When I went a night without a phone call it meant that whoever she'd gotten drunk and ended up in bed with didn't bother her enough to pick up the phone and ask me to come pick her up until morning. My mind worked in a long painful cycle: repair, repress, repose. And on and on it went.
You took away the lies.
You took away the torment.
You took away the fights.
You took away the darkness in my soul.
Tell me what it's like, to take away someones life? And in return give them something so unfamiliar: Truth, honesty and love. What are these things? What do I do with them? So easy to give and receive that I felt like something had to be wrong. You took away selfishness and gave me favors with no debt. You took the pain and replaced it with care. You trashed the brokenness and instituted stability; traded difficult for easy.
Just make one promise. Don't give any of it back. Take these things from me and throw them in the garbage. You know exactly what's best for me now.
I used to have so much, how did you manage to take it all away from me?
The days and nights used to pass without measure. Worry fed my tired soul and deception kept me attentive when sleep was a long lost memory. The difference between reality and daydream blurred to the extent that I only felt alive for brief fleeting moments that came in violent shocks to my nervous system like the last kicks and gasps of a drowning man. When I went a night without a phone call it meant that whoever she'd gotten drunk and ended up in bed with didn't bother her enough to pick up the phone and ask me to come pick her up until morning. My mind worked in a long painful cycle: repair, repress, repose. And on and on it went.
You took away the lies.
You took away the torment.
You took away the fights.
You took away the darkness in my soul.
Tell me what it's like, to take away someones life? And in return give them something so unfamiliar: Truth, honesty and love. What are these things? What do I do with them? So easy to give and receive that I felt like something had to be wrong. You took away selfishness and gave me favors with no debt. You took the pain and replaced it with care. You trashed the brokenness and instituted stability; traded difficult for easy.
Just make one promise. Don't give any of it back. Take these things from me and throw them in the garbage. You know exactly what's best for me now.
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